Friday, November 26, 2010

The scientist and his research ...

The scientist and his research staff were interacting with the recently landed aliens to gain information about their lifestyle when the question of reproduction came up. Finding it difficult to understand the oral description, the head researcher said "Why not just demonstrate for us?" The male alien then proceeded to intertwine his antennae with those of the female alien and after about 30 seconds of flying sparks a large sack begins to form on the female's back and two minutes later the sack breaks open and out pops a miniature alien. "That is how we reporduce. How is it done here on earth?", asked the aliens. The head scientist looks at his attractive female assistant and says "In the interest of scientific interchange I think we should demonstrate, don't you?" The sex-starved assistant is more than willing and after the climax of 30 minutes of heated passion the research scientist pants "There, that (pant) is how we do it (pant) on earth." "But where is the offspring?" asks the alien. "Oh, the gestation period is about 270 earth days", answers the scientist. "What!" exclaims the alien. "If you have to wait 270 earth days, then why were you in such a hurry at the end?"

Investigators at a major research institute...

Investigators at a major research institute have discovered the heaviest element known to science. This startling new discovery has been tentatively named Administratium (Ad).
The new element has no protons or electrons, thus having an atomic number of 0. It does, however, have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons, for an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert.
However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it came into contact.
According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would normally take less than a second. Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years; it does not decay, but

The two inventors of the bungee...

The two inventors of the bungee rope went to Spain to test their invention. They built a 50-foot tower and, once completed, one of the guys stood on the edge of the platform and dove into the air with the rope tied to his feet. The other guy, standing up on the platform, waited until his friend returned up so that he could grab him. The first time his friend sprung up, he tried to grab him but missed and noticed that his head was swollen. The next time, he missed again and again there was a bruise on his head and face. This time, with much concern, he dove forward to get his partner, pulled him in and asked, "What happened? Is the cord too long?" His partner replied with his face all bloody, "What is pinata?"

During the initial space...

During the initial space flights, Nasa discovered that biro pens didn`t work under zero gravity conditions. To beat the problem, Nasa spent 6 years and $2 million in designing a pen for use in space. The pen would work under zero gravity conditions due to the pressurized ink inside, it would work under sub zero conditions, underwater, on glass and virtually any surface known to man. The Russians used a pencil.

A poet and a scientist were traveling ....

A poet and a scientist were traveling together on a plane. The scientist was bored and said to the poet, "Hey, you, do you want to play a game? I'll ask you a question, and if you get it wrong, you give me $5. Then, you ask me a question, and if I can't answer it, I'll give you $5."
The poet thought about this for a moment, but he decided against it, seeing that the scientist was obviously a very bright man. He politely turned down the scientist's offer.
The scientist, who was really bored, tried again. "Look, I'll ask you a question, and if you can't answer it, you give me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I can't answer it, I'll give you $50."
The poet agreed. "Okay," the scientist said, "what is the exact distance between the Earth and the Moon?"
The poet, obviously not knowing the answer, didn't stop to think about the scientist's question. He took a $5 bill out of his pocket and handed it to t